Wednesday, May 9, 2012

To spite my friends

For those of you who read this and don't know, I suffer from both depression and anxiety. My Meyers Briggs type is INTJ. (for those of you who don't know what that means go to wikipedia.) Also please know that it is an absolute recipe for disaster.
Because of my personality type I am highly sensitive to rejection, I may not let on that I am, to those of you that know me, but I am. Also realize that its about perceived rejection, meaning someone may not intend to make me feel rejected, but they may do so by simply deciding that they would rather hang out with someone else rather than me. (please note that it is much more common with women than men...I have no idea why) This makes me rather depressed and then the anxiety comes all the dumb questions someone with anxiety asks, "Was I annoying them" "Did I do something to make them mad" "Am I just a terrible friend" etc.
I always tell myself in these situations that I need to go to God, but yesterday I was feeling a little rejected and was trying to go to God, but I came to the realization I was going to God for the wrong reason. The reason I was going to God was not for strength or comfort, I was going to him to spite my friends. Basically it was my way of saying "Fine if you don't need me then I don't need you, I've got God (Sticks out tongue)" I took far less comfort in Gods presence because I was approaching him with the wrong mind set. God needs to be about what is holy and approaching him out of a spiteful attitude can be dangerous. Some of the thoughts that go through ones head when you approach God out of spite are...not very pleasant shall we say. Needless to say that when you do go to God make sure it is for pure and right reasons. 

No comments:

Post a Comment